Not actually a tard.

Warm Muffin.

Posted by leahtard on September 10, 2007

Once a month or so my girlfriend Tracy and I go for Sushi, this is our time to get out with out the kids and have some adult time, (though she workes and gets a significant more of it than me.) On these evenings I sometimes get dressed up, (remember this is mommy dress up, not to be confused with hootchie dress up which is what I use to do.)

I figured I was dressed quite nice, I had put a little extra effort into my appearance that night and it looked like it was paying off. I had started to notice I was getting a number of appreciative stares from the men and jealous ones from the women. I was wearing my favorite heeled black boots a nice pair of dark blue jeans, a black sweater, and my favorite, a lovely super long brown scarf, wrapped around my neck in the way that was most fashionable that winter.

Of course me being me, I was quite please with how cute I looked and impressed that in my old age, (33) and even with a “little” extra weight I still had “it”. Now if you know me then you might realize that this attention as it were would put a little more swing in my hips, pop my chest out a bit and inch my head up a little higher. (In my brain I am imagining my glory days when men would fall at my feet and offer to marry me. When I was hard pressed to find a girl hotter than me. I was quite certain the only reason I had not been discovered was because I am practically a midget at 5 foot 4.)

These are the things I am doing and thinking as I walk through the mall. As we get closer to the restaurant I start to feel quite warm. Warm in a way I have never felt before….. warm down below…… you know down south…… so warm in fact that I have almost forgot how cute I was and am thinking about how one gets quite so, ummmm cozy in that area. Soon we reach the restaurant and as I unload my shopping onto the near by chair I realize that both ends of my scarf had got caught up between my legs. The wool scarf itself is wrapped around my neck, cutting down between my boobs only to be tucked in quite firmly between my legs and the tails and are splayed around the back of my bum like a great giant hairy brown spider coming out for a peek.

Gone are all my dreams of being a femme fatal. I am going to have to live with the fact that all I have is a really warm muffin.

6 Responses to “Warm Muffin.”

  1. Hahahaha!

  2. Josie said

    OMG!!! That is the funniest thing I read all day 🙂 I am sure you looked hot before that happened…..

  3. chelle said

    HAHAHAHAHA! Hot Stuff!

  4. Lisa said

    I’m laughing so hard I might actually pee myself… Darren is trying to find out what the hell is wrong with me as now I’m crying from laughing so hard

  5. Damselfly said

    LMAO! Maybe you’re just a trendsetter with a new way to wear a scarf…?

  6. Jessie said

    Oh Leah! I have seen the “super hot look” and Yes you do know how to flaunt it…(sorry still giggling!) (Oh My!) That is the funniest post I have read yet! (and no rest assured you are still absolutely fabulous!) I would however use caution on scarves in the future. (all the way through the mall?) Knowing you the way I do, I am sure that you recovered the situation with great grace and greater style!

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