Not actually a tard.

Archive for May, 2007

How well do you know me.

Posted by leahtard on May 31, 2007

*Sorry I am still trying to figure out how I have messed up my video capture.

I see these things all over the place and finally decided to do one.

20 years ago I was 14 in Jr. High and competed and coached gymnastics.

15 years ago I was 19, living in Medicine Hat going to College and working at Spruce Meadows in the summer. I thought I was really “hot shit!”

10 years ago I was 24, living in Calgary with my best friend Tracy, having the time of my life with no worries, no concerns, (except that rent was paid and making it to work on time) and of course partying as much as possible. (Still working at Spruce Meadows in the Summer).

5 years ago I had been married for 2 years lost 2 babies and another on the way. Praying to God everyday that this one would “stick.” All my dreams of having a little girl became a reality, what more could anybody want!

4 years ago I was pregnant with baby number 4, praying to the great white porcelain God morning noon and night. All the while hoping for another “Bonnie Bunny.”

3 years ago I was thanking the good Lord above because He knew that what you ask for is not always what your really want or need. He sent me a little “Peter Rabbit.” So I would live and know the joy a little boy could bring. (That is one wish that I will be eternally grateful was not granted.)

2 years ago I was totally obsessed with my children, (still am). I started taking Kayaking and Jazz classes. I have realized that I am not the center of the universe. But in our family we have our turns being the center of each others lives and then sometimes we are the satellites.

1 year ago I was missing my baby girl because she started school. Where has the time gone. 1 year ago I was horrified because my 2 year old boy could swim better than my 3 year old girl. He had no problem jumping of the diving board, where he would pop right back up and swim about 3 meters to me. (All under the recommendation/supervision of his swim instructor – she said. “Leah he can do this.”

6 months ago we were getting ready for our “best Christmas ever.” Both kids finally “get it”, and we were so excited.

2 weeks ago I started having my summer “pool parties” again. Hooray!! I had the chance to meet family I had never met before – amazing – and one of my closest friends, Nicole has to go back to work just when we were getting to know on another again and I already miss her horribly:(

1 week ago we were stuck in the house for days because it was raining and I thought I was going to go cuckoo so I traveled to Lethbridge to see my friend before she goes back to work.

1 day ago I was steam cleaning my carpets and on the advice of a close friend (see above) added vinegar to the cleaning solution (because this would make it cleaner)? Don’t ask. I thought I had pissed my carpet cleaner because the vinegar caused a chemical reaction with the Bissell Multi Allergin cleaning solution (in the green bottle) and congealed in my cleaner clogging up the tubes. It turned into something like white glue just as it is starting to set. Because on occasion I have moments of genius I was able to fix it – all by myself. Though I did have a handy lie all ready for Glenn when he came back from music class. I am glad I did not have to use it because, one I am a suckie lier and always get caught and two I always tell on myself in the end because I can’t handle the pressure, (which is why I always get caught). I am such a dough head – that of course was not a moment of genius.

Today I had a pool party and all us moms were jealous that the kids could go on the Wet Banana and we could not. Well we could but that would take more liquor than I have and I think I would literally piss myself if I were to actually do it much less see it.

Tomorrow I intend to love my children and my husband more than I did today.

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Ballet Rehersal

Posted by leahtard on May 26, 2007

Vivian has ballet rehearsal today and I am also in the show! If I am clever enough and can figure it out I will try to put both shows up here. Vivian’s is serious mine, well, ummmm, not so much!

***I am sorry, I am having a heck of a time trying do figure out my video capture***

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Odds and ends

Posted by leahtard on May 25, 2007

[rockyou id=70383796&w=450&h=338]

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Cellular Memory?

Posted by leahtard on May 23, 2007

Have you ever heard of “cellular memory”?

Definition by Todd Carroll: Cellular memory is the speculative notion that human body cells contain clues to our personalities, tastes and histories, independently of either genetic codes or brain cells.
Have you ever met someone and thought. “I know this person, I can feel it inside of me.” Now in most cases when we meet people we have never met we brush this off, I for one have never believed in “de ja vue” or a lot of the “hocus pocus” that many people subscribe to today, a lot of that touchy feely crap makes me a little queezy. I am so tired of the mentality of people who say. “But I am happy, so it must be good.” Or. “But, I want to do it.” Get real people! By only caring about yourself you are probably doing more harm than good. I am not saying I do not believe in God or our innate intuitive ability, because I do. I have a very strong faith in God and the gifts he has given us all. What I do not believe in is the person who will tell you they can see the future or speak to the dead. I think that this is really creepy and frankly down right disturbing! I do believe in right and wrong, but not at the cost of morality. The moral high ground is so often much harder to discern because it is bungled in this quagmire we call life and our own personal experiences needs and wants. (Oooop’s damn I did it again, me and these darn fingers.)

Last week I had the opportunity to meet family I had never met before. They were amazing, gracious, kind and warm. In short they were everything I had imagined that they would be. They embraced me and made me feel comfortable and safe. They opened their arms to me to help me feel whole. It was obvious that these parents love their children and that the children love each other, you could feel that their was a connectedness between them that comes with long love and long friendships. This is the type of family I think we should aspire to.

While I sat with this family I had a feeling I had never in my life had before. It was as though I knew these people and had always. I felt kinship with them, and somewhere in my body that I had my whole life refused to recognize or put word to, that I knew them. Not physically of course, that was not possible but on some cellular level my heart cried out to me wanting me to recognize the connection. The connection that was deeper than what I could see, it was what I could feel. It was what I knew.

Thank you to this family for being brave and courageous and to taking the steps to know me. Thank you to this family for making me feel like family!

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Amazing Post

Posted by leahtard on May 22, 2007

It is to late to do more than let you know that I have a post coming that has changed my life.  I will write more when my thoughts are more coherent!  It’s good!

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Posted by leahtard on May 18, 2007

I am not even opened for business yet and here’s how it’s goin.

Thurs – $180.00

Fri – $200.00

Sat – ?

Pic’s to come

Saturday – just about $1000. – and I still have people who owe me money.  I am taking the rest of clothes to consignment.  I will hope to get another $200.00.

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Garage Sale!

Posted by leahtard on May 17, 2007

I am having a garage sale and it will be stellar – because everything I do is – well, mostly anyway! Tomorrow when I finally have everything “organized” to my satisfaction I will take a picture so that everybody can know just how to do one of these things and actually make money. My first g-sale made me $1300..

My secret is KEEP IT CLEAN.

Secondly I keep all my receipts and warranties so I can give them when I sell the product, (people like that).

Third be organized, don’t ever let your tables look sparse, “they” can smell desperation. Reorganize and shifty items as you sell and keep like products together – nobody likes a dirty cat. Get rid of tables as they empty so you always look like you have stuff.

Do not be afraid to bargain/lower your price or offer a lower price. I have left many a garage sale because “granny” was not ready to let go of her vintage rolling pin quite yet.

Get rid of it that is the goal, don’t be afraid you will feel better once you de-clutter!

I’ll let you know how much I make.

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I sold my shares in Huggies!

Posted by leahtard on May 13, 2007


It’s official, I have sold my shares in Huggies, we are going to be rich, rich, rich! Alex is finally potty trained! The past few months I have been in a panic because I have been scared my little munchkin will not be able to go to Nursery School in the fall. They naturally only except children that are potty trained. This fear may have been unfounded but after hearing so many stories of how boys take so much longer to train, I was quite concerned and so have been on a mission to make this happen. I was not having much luck for the past 4 months until my friend Katheryn told me about a friend of hers who went to a seminar on “Potty Training”.

This is what the woman said.

It will take 3 days! Make sure you have plenty of underwear, and that does not mean pull-ups or any sort of supper absorbent anything, just plain underwear, (like 14 pairs). Your child needs to know that they are wet and feel uncomfortable, they need to feel cold and that little burn on the skin that comes with pee when it drips down their leg – in short they need to know that they actually peed. Do not give in! You of course optimally want to catch them mid pee if possible or poop for that matter. Actually you want to get them before if you can. Watch, watch, watch. This is where all your privet eye training comes in handy. If you can tell if your kid has had a sneaky cookie or what they had for dinner last night you can tell when they need to go, you just have to be diligent. Enlist the help of other siblings, to remind the child that they have to pee or poop. If a pee or bm happens give everyone a smatrie – but only if it happens in the potty! When the child has a accident don’t make a big deal about it just tell them that. “Pee goes in the potty and you know that they will do better next time.” This naturally tends to be the most painful part simply because you have probably been trained for at least 25 years or so and don’t get the big deal. What you do get though is the big pissy/shity mess that has been left just for your disposal.

Yes, you will probably stink after all is said and done and your carpets and furniture may need to be cleaned, but freedom awaits, financial freedom that is.

I followed the plan and on day one Alex used every pair of underwear. Day two he used the potty about 5 times and day three he never even had a accident. Day four was a bonus because he also had a dry night. Since day four he had be dry day and night for four weeks. I think it is safe to say we are free! We do get the occasinal accident, mostly when he is outside and really into what he is doing – but still I’ll call it a success.

Hip hip hooray Alex goes to school two mornings a week in the fall! Vivian goes to school two full days a week next fall and they are the same days. My dream: One day I will sleep the other I will clean, can life get any better? I think not!

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Close call!

Posted by leahtard on May 13, 2007

Yaaaah!!!!!  I didn’t wreck the sprinkler system, thank the dear Lord above.

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My biggest regret.

Posted by leahtard on May 9, 2007


Okay, I am done with the sappy everything is perfect crap – although it is a big part of who I am, I just do not really get that worked up about things and am more into having fun with my family and kids.

My dad, was a really great guy with a really crappy drinking problem he died 5 years ago next week. He was young at just 52, but that is what hard smoking and hard liquor will do to you. They consume you, literally eating you up inside and out, they ravage and rape your body of preciouses nutrients and brain cells, slowly eating away at any good the body has to offer, they take away the person that you grew up loving and the dreams you had for the future they leave you with a shell of the person you love and care for. Only leaving fleeting glimpses of who they once were and where they may have gone.

As a child sometimes your dreams are stolen because of empty promises and too little to lates. My dreams and experiences as a child are exactaly that, dreams and experiences as a child, and though they do harbor some baring on who I am today, (good and bad) by no means do they totally make the person that I have become; they are a small snap shot of who I am. They are who I was before I could really make my own choices, and I believe that the choices that I make now harbor so much more baring than things I had zero control over as a child. Even as a teen when you feel like you have more choices and you start to enforce your own will, you generally have so little life experience behind you that often times even small decisions can lead to big consequences. Maybe this is just the way life is, that every once and a while when I look back on my life I wonder what I was thinking how the hell did I come to that decision.

The second set of vestibule doors of the small church we were in opened, my step-father steps up to me and takes off my cape then gives me a hug. My father steps forward to tuck my hand in the crook of his arm and walks me down the isle. In the seconds I have before I come to Glenn I am thinking I love this man, my father. I love him more than anything. He use to say to me that most people didn’t get to choose their babies, but he got to choose me and because he picked me himself he loved me all the more. I was lucky he was there when I was born. Dr.Shalom our family Dr. said that they could have turned off every light in the hospital and the hospital still would have been lit with the glow from my fathers face. At the same time I am thinking I don’t think he is drunk I can’t smell it. He promised he would not drink. He sure does look nice; happy but at the same time a little sad. I feel a little tug on my arm and dad whispers. “Leah, slow down you don’t want to look desperate!” I smile bigger if that is possible (I have a pretty big smile) and continue on. We are a couple steps closer to the end of the isle and for some reason I start to feel reserved and a little embarrassed. Reserved in that in this moment I feel I need to pull away from my father to let go of him. For all intense and purposes to let go and step away from the first man that I ever loved. Embarrassed because everybody knows he’s a drunk and now by walking down the isle with him everybody knows…….Knows that I Leah am a drunk lover….. I must condone this behavior if I am here with him. Why does it have to be so hard to love him, why can’t I just grow up and except who he is. For heavens sake we are in a church let it go. Oh,no we have a free bar what were we thinking everything is going to be ruined.

Finally we reach Glenn, I squeeze my dads hand and leave him for my husband. My regret; I didn’t kiss him, I didn’t hug him, I didn’t tell him I love him one last time when I still belonged to him. I was too embarrassed and ashamed to show I cared, I couldn’t get over myself, I couldn’t get over him. Seven months later he died in a empty field with my brother and some friends. They watched him as his lungs filled up with fluid, they tried to help him and were able to keep him alive for 45 minutes until the EMS got there, (amazing if you ask me), Once the EMS got there and changed over the tube that the boys had attached to a coke bottle to keep our father breathing to use their own, he died.

Lots and lots of times my dad was a really shitty parent but despite all that I know he loved me. I know he adored me. I know that he would never have given upon me, he would have stood up for anything I believed in whether it was right or wrong. I know he had more than one drink to me, for me, and even with me. I miss him everyday, especially when things happen in my life that I know he would have loved to have been a part of. I secretly morned for him again when I had my first baby, his first grandchild and then again when we had our second. I wonder if grief is like that you miss missed opportunities then just when you think you are over it, WHAM, it smacks you in the face again, and again and again. I will probably miss him forever and just wish I had hugged him when I had the chance.

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April Fool

Posted by leahtard on May 8, 2007


I love candy. You know the stuff at 7-11 in the little bins, where everything is 10 cents or less. Yum Yum! I don’t buy or eat it so much any more but in my younger days, (24-25 years old) nothing could quite make me quiver in ecstasy quite like a jujube cherry coke-a- cola bottle or even better those little Red Hot jujubes or maybe if I was really lucky we would go to Banff National Park and go to Welch’s Candy store and I would get a little 1/4 pound bag of super mini jawbreakers, (they are the size of this “O” and are wonderfully sugary sweet concoctions that taste delicious and have just the right density, so you are not sure if the candy is hard or soft). I’m getting all hot just thinking about it. Oh the days when you could eat anything.

March 31st, 1999, Glenn invited me over for dinner and a movie, which was no big deal he always did that. He rented the Red Violin which though a movie I really liked, is probably the longest in the world. After dinner Glenn popped in the movie, then about 1/2 hour into it asked me if I wanted a treat, naturally I told him yes. He comes back to the couch with one of those little “SURPRISE” candy bags. The ones where you pay $5.00 for the candy bag and get $1.50 worth of stuff, let me say RIP OFF! But we all fall for it at one time or another, ( maybe me more than most). Soon as Glenn hands me the bag I rip into it like a shark at a feeding frenzy, candy spilled all over my lap and me happily gobbling away. I look up to see Glenn looking at me with something akin to disgust and maybe a little worry.

Here is our conversation

L: What’s wrong?

G: Nothing.

L: Would you like some candy?

G: No. Um mm, Leah, where is the bag?

L: On the floor, you know if you wanted some candy you could have asked instead of staring at me, that’s very rude you know?

G: Are you sure there is nothing else in the bag?

L: No it’s all in my lap, here have some.

G: I don’t want any, but are you sure that is all that was in the bag, did you really eat all the candy?

I can now hear in his voice that he is getting very excited and not in a good way. He picks up the discarded bag and tries to get more ahhh, candy out of it – I can see he is upset – and I have had just about enough of his attitude.

L: If you wanted some all you had to do was ask! It’s not nice to stare at a person while they are eating, it’s so rude!

We finish the movie and I go to bed. Glenn rips apart the couch trying to find my engagement ring, and hoping beyond all hope that in my frenzy that I did not eat it. About 30 minutes later he found it, it had slid down the inside of the couch. Needless to say I did not get my ring that night, Glenn now had to come up with some other magical way to give me my ring – and if you know me everything has to be magical!

The next morning Glenn wakes me up at what I think is 8:00am on April Fool’s Day, because once again he has decided it is time to take me ring shopping (it is actually 6:00am, but he knows that once he asks me we will have to drive out to the farm and then back into town to tell both our family’s). He has turned back every clock in the house, including the one in my phone and car – the man is a little loony – he is now following me around the house asking me how much longer I am going to be. At one point he even watched me blow dry my hair for about 5 minutes. In my brain I’m thinking I can’t stand this he is driving me nuts, this has got to stop or I am going to scream! Finally I am ready and very tired, we go into the boot room where Glenn kneels down to help me put on and zip up my boots. He has always done this so I think nothing of it. Then he says. “I don’t think we need to go ring shopping today, I think this ring will do, Leah will you marry me”?

Dear Mary, Mother of God! It’s the great big, shiny, beautiful, perfect ring I wanted from Spence Diamonds. “Yes”! “Yes, of course I will”!

A moment later I realize that it is April Fool’s Day and I say to Glenn. “I don’t care what you say I’m not giving this back”.

Glenn looked at me with a silly smirk on his face and said. “It sure would make for a good story though”.

A few days later I asked Glenn when he bought the ring and do you know what he said? “Before we left the store, the first time we saw it”.

What did I tell you about torment, depending on the situation it can be a beautiful thing.

Then they lived happily ever after. The End.

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Torment. Sometimes it’s good for the soul.

Posted by leahtard on May 5, 2007

Sometimes, is the operative word here. I do not agree with or condone anybody being bullied or abused, but to be tormented can mean so many different things to many different people depending on what context one puts the torment in. In this particular case I am referring to myself and my way over inflated ego. To which I blame my parents who loved me way to much and convinced me early on that I was the perfect child, who could do know wrong and get anything I wanted. In short I was a spoiled brat. Both of my brothers will attest to this and are quit certain that they got the short end of the stick when it came to life, hell, I think that they probably are thinking, “Stick”? “Stick”! “Who the hell got a stick”? “Why, did Leah get a stick”!

So when my Glenny came along, whether  by accident or not  he gave me a run for my money. For a good 2 months we had been out and about looking for the perfect engagement ring.  My favorite so far had been one I’d found at Spence Diamonds,  but Glenn had convinced me it was too expensive to get so we needed to keep looking, and look we did!  We went everywhere, and of course after a couple of months of this it is getting pretty old.  Glenn knew I was getting impatient and told me that we could speed things along if maybe we bought the ring at a place like Consumers Distributing, Wal-Mart or Zellers.  I was horrified, did he not realize Consumers isn’t even around any more and as for Wal-Mart or Zellers.  My little boyfriend in grade two did better than that, when he stole his mothers engagement ring to give me, (naturally my mom made me give it back).  I know now that Glenn was splitting a gut inside at what I’m sure was a look of horror on my face, he was pretty much on to me by this time and thought he would have a little fun at my expense.

I had to think quickly, I really loved this guy and I didn’t think he realized just how greedy I was and secondly I didn’t really want him to know it.  Maybe if I went along with him I could gently show him the error of his ways.  He would become humiliated at the PISS POOR EXCUSE OF A RING HE WANTED ME TO WEAR !  What was he thinking did he have no pride did he think I had no pride!  What is wrong that I deserve this!  Lightbulb turns on in my head – God is punishing me for being selfish and greedy,  this is what I get for not dating guys that rented apartments or had little ambition.  God gave me a guy to love that’s CHEAP!  Because if nothing I am considerate and know when I have to buck up, so off I trudged to Wal-mart, Zellers, and anywhere else that was CHEAP, plus I kept my Negative Nelly thoughts to myself, (It’s the least I could do for love).

Next:  April Fools

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A licence for marraige.

Posted by leahtard on May 4, 2007

My husband has a really dry sense of humor, and because he is 7 years older than me he has a bit more life experience than I do, so more often than not he can out maneuver me in all most anything. He also is very good at distraction and diversion, this is a great skill to have for raising our 2 1/2 and 4 year old and I applauded him for his parenting skills but the problem is, is that it also works on me. So more often than not I am distracted from my main purpose and diverted from my goal. But on one day I thought I won.

One day we were driving to town and I was telling Glenn about what fun we were going to have once we were married, (we had been dating for about 6 months). I talked about the wedding, about our future children, the places we would go and the things we would do, and how much fun we would have. When Glenn looked at me and said “I can’t marry you”.

I could not believe what I was hearing, I was floored how could he not want to marry me! I said to him in my most uppity voice “You will marry me if I say you are going to marry me”!

“No, Leah I’m not and I haven’t even asked you yet”.
I was devastated and said. “Glenn, how can you say that”!

To which he replied. “Leah, I bought you a car, it’s just sitting there and you still are not interested in driving, so if we get married and have kids what are you going to do call a cab to take our kids to school every morning what if they need to go to he hospital. When you get a license I will ask you to marry me”.

I was gob-smacked, what could I say, he was right, I had done nothing to get my license and really was not interested in getting it. I kinda liked being driven around, but he did have a point with the whole kid thing. I mean, it’s not like we live in NY, Tokyo or even Toronto where a lot of people go their whole lives without ever driving. This is Alberta everybody drives, you almost have to because you are so damn far from everything/everyone. If nothing else, us people in the prairie’s love our vehicles often times the bigger the better,(I think it has to do with big oil and big farms) it is nothing for a family with one kid or even two to own a great big honkin mini van where there is nothing mini about it, lets not even talk about SUV’s or Yukon’s, it is crazy! You would not believe the number of mom’s, (and if you are one I’m not really sorry) that tell me they have to have it to put all of the kids stuff in. I don’t believe it, it’s a waste of energy and money not to mention what they do to our environment. Oopppsy, did it again, sorry.

At the tender age of 26 I called to make my drivers appointment, 3 days later I took the test and I passed. I walked into Glenn’s work and told him he needed to start saving because we were going shopping for a BIG rock! I was so proud of myself and so was he, a few short weeks later we were ring shopping, but that is another story.

Next: Torment.  Sometimes it’s good for the soul.

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