Not actually a tard.

I’m sorry

Posted by leahtard on April 20, 2007


I was just over at No Internal Editor and was reading about her teenage son, who sounds pretty normal for a kid his age and it got me to thinking about my mom and some of the stuff she use to do. I actually had to stop writing and erased a bunch over at NIE because I realized I needed to write about my own kick ass mom, (not to be confused with a mom who kicks ass, though I know if the situation was in need of a “kicks ass” mom she most assuredly could have anted up) who loved me so much that she braved the all of the “shit” a very cheeky know it all teenager could dig up. She humiliated herself on more than one occasion to stop me from doing boneheaded things (probably in the hopes that I would be humiliated, it worked). She baked the best cookies for me, (when my bros and I got older we would make up songs about the magical cookies she made) she cleaned for me, she nurtured me she adored me but mostly she loved me.

All us mothers know that special love you give your child, it is incomparable and is only finally understood that first minute you hold your first born in your arms and start to cry, not only because of how much you love your precious new born but because you now understand how much your mother loved you. You cry harder because you can not believe how little respect you gave her and how much you disregarded her. You can not believe that there is anything more powerful in the world than the love you have of this child and that you did not understand it at all until that second. That the woman who birthed you is a amazing strong person that has felt this connection and love of you your whole life, everyday, every second, every moment and you did not know.

As the hours with my child grew into days, weeks and then years, in quiet times when I would pray to God that my children always be safe and that someone would always love them, I would morn the woman I did not truly know or understand until I had my own(please be patient honestly I’m trying to make up for it now). I’m sorry I didn’t understand, why you always wanted to know where I was or what I was doing. I did not have the experience to know what I was missing in having you as a mother. Still, even as an adult I occasionally slip back into those days of old and “snap and snarl” at you, I am sorry, I forget how important you are to me, my family and my life. I guess what I’m tiring to say is that I love you and even as an adult who always makes mistakes, you still make me feel completely loved and safe.

I love you mom!

Love Leah


5 Responses to “I’m sorry”

  1. You make me cry. What a great post.

    (Catherine – if you’re reading this, you’re a great mom!!)

  2. Josie said

    Sniffle, sniffle.
    That was a beautiful post for your Mom.
    I know my son WonderBoy wouldn’t be as good as he is – broken curfews or not – if I hadn’t had an awesome role model as a Mom.
    I am sure you are following in her foot steps.

  3. chelle said

    awww so sweet! Great Post!

  4. Damselfly said

    Is that a photo of you and your mom? What a great pic! I love this post.

  5. Jessie said

    That was beautiful. Your mom does rock (love you Auntie!) and I was (am and always have been :-)) very Jealous of you and the wonderful relationship you two have. Treasure it as you do, love it always. I pray that I am doing right by my kids and one day I will read something as beautiful.

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