Not actually a tard.

Do your children need a lawyer?

Posted by leahtard on April 13, 2007

Naturally you would of course say “no way, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of”. That is what I always thought, actually truth be told I never even gave a thought to my children needing a lawyer. Now think about this carefully. Do you have parents? Does you husband have parents? Do they spend any amount of time with you and your children? Do you often feel like its you against them? If so you may not have realized this till this very second but, yes, your children do have lawyers! It’s true they (the lawyers) are a whole lot cheaper than the ones you would use to re-do your mortgage or re-wright your will, but on occasion the problems are no less painful. For instance, a common conversation had with said children, and said Lawyers.

Viv: ” Mommy I would like some ice cream”.

Mommy/me: “Viv, you can’t have ice cream right now, it’s to close to dinner”.

Viv: “But mommy I really need ice cream and I am sooooooo hot, I really need it to cool me down”. (Fanning herself madly and panting). It’s minus 10 outside.

Mommy: No, Viv.

In comes grandma/grandpa, who has been watching the scene being played out from across the kitchen.

G’ma/G’pa: “Oh, come on now Leah, it’s just a bit of ice cream what can it hurt, they are so busy all day, their bodies need energy”.

I was thinking more along the lines of carrot.

This could go on forever, if not like this, than I’m sure as parents any of us could come up with a million different scenarios. My all time favorite is the “sneaky treat”. That’s the one where nobody even asks your permission, your children just appear in front of your with chocolate around their mouths. Or maybe your “lawyers” are really good at what they do and manage wipe their little faces before you see them next, but being a mother also means being part private eye…….Thus you can smell it.

I’m sorry to tell all you Lawyers of the world that we (the parents) are on to you and the jig is up. Though I know your grandkids will never rat you out because they know “what side their bread is buttered on” one day it will all come back to haunt you, I don’t know how yet but I will laugh my ass off when it does. I just had an epiphany! This has all happened before! About 30 years ago, and now you are the ones laughing your asses off. Damn and double damn, I thought I was so smart. Wow, I suck I didn’t even see it coming. Fine…… You win!


8 Responses to “Do your children need a lawyer?”

  1. Heh. What a great post! Thank God I have the family that I do. And my mom was a lot like me so it didn’t happen to her either, that I can remember anyway.

  2. chelle said

    hehehe that was awesome!

  3. Reesh said

    God I HATE it when other people try to feed my daughter ANY food without asking me first. And you’re right, I KNOW that my parents and aunts and uncles have all been where we are and were all fighting so hard to keep the junk food away. Why is it that they think it’s funny now anyways?? I mean don’t they call it “junk” food for a reason? Why has becoming a grandparent changed that?

  4. Damselfly said

    You’re so funny! I haven’t reached this age yet with my baby, but I’m sure it’s coming….

  5. Josie said

    If your “lawyers” are anything like my mom – it will just get worse as they get older.
    I was never allowed anywhere past 11pm and when I try to impose any form of a curfew on my 16 yr old, my mother jumps in with the “you’re only young once, let him have fun.”
    Where was this woman when I wanted to go to a U2 concert???

  6. Jessie said

    It is worse than that, they also have the market cornered on the clothing industry. Have you ever tried to tell your child that she has enough clothes (shoes, hair goodies, what ever her heart desires that day?) See how fast she can “lawyer up” in a crisis! This happens frequently when daughter and her favorite lawyer pass “Old Navy”.

    But won’t it be fun to flip the tables one day, our lawyers simply passed the torch. You can’t be a good Lawyer if you don’t practice law first! Until then, My thoughts are with you and you are not alone! πŸ™‚

  7. Elleoz said

    Thanks for visiting my blog. I thought I would return the favor πŸ™‚

    My in-laws are the exact same way. It drives me crazy. But at least mine leave for 6 months out of the year. heh!

  8. Now that is funny! My mom already does it with my dog, HA HA! Although I can’t tell my mom “no” so I guess I have it a bit better off.

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