Not actually a tard.

All my problems start with cleaning.

Posted by leahtard on March 31, 2007

I have this thing. I really like clean windows and of course with nice clean windows you want a nice clean house. Well magically with my two kids on a sunny day not to long ago I was able to accomplish both. But of course that is never enough.

I was standing on my front porch watching my beloved children ride their bikes up and down the sidewalk, I think it was about 10 degree Canadian outside and I noticed my Crab Apple tree had started to bud out. Hooray!!! I also noticed that my house was dirty, the siding looked dull and dusty along with my porch and rails, in stark contrast to my gleaming windows and clean interior. This left me in a quandary, I wanted to suddenly wash my house, I had a pressure washer and the products needed top get the job done. I was desperate to get rid of all the dust and make my house the cleanest and sparkliest on the block maybe even the neighborhood but, I had just washed my windows. I thought what if they made something called Vinyl Siding Shine and after you washed your house you could attach this bottle to your pressure washer and spray this on said home to make it shiny, ( like the stuff you spray on your tires). Wow I would be the happiest housewife, mommy or what ever in the world!

Deciding I like to wash windows and well, so what if I have to dry them off. I trot off around the corner of the house to turn on the tap and get started on my fantastic project…….What’s this! The water is not turning on! That’s okay although I am a girl I am in control of all my facilities and if I might add quite clever and know how to turn the water on from the basement. Back inside I go to the basement where I get one of the children’s stools, put it on one of the children’s tables so I can stand on it to reach the tap in the roof……I am so smart I can’t stand it! Ahh, ahh, ooop, yup, I got it! I turned the tap on. I hear water running through the pipes for about 2 seconds and I feel elated, till I hear grinding and then POP and what sounds like our sprinkler system starting. Oh Shit! I know that this is very bad,(a lot of the pipes are probably still frozen and could burst with even a bit of pressure). I run back up stairs to see the sprinkler system on and my kids soaking wet and very confused sitting on their bikes in the front of the house (one of them might have been crying but I didn’t care I may have just pissed up our $6000 sprinkler system) All my dreams of my neighbors watching me from their windows wondering how I managed to do everything so well fly out the window. I run back downstairs to turn off the water and now I have to wait till Glenn gets home so I can tell him what a pickle head I have been.

I don’t think I have ever seen Glenn get really mad, he is really quite quiet, so I was not to concerned heck we have never really even had a fight. Not to say we don’t get irritated with each other once and a while but the point is made.

I gather up my chicklets, dry them off and change them (redo Vivian’s hair) just kidding. In comes Glenn, I tell him I did something dumb and he walks away to go look at the car! I have never even had a accident! The nerve. Anyway finally I get my story out and he is breathing kinda hard and marches outside to blow out the sprinklers again. About a hour later he comes in and asked me if I had seen anybody else in town trying to wash their house the first week in March. I told him no, but that was the point, I would be the first, and a lot of men could only wish they had a wife that would wash their home. He shook his head and said “Leah do you ever notice that whenever disaster strikes it is because you are cleaning something”. I thought you are brilliant! That is so true and I never even realized it before, I need to stop cleaning. Not possible.

So here is my question does anyone else out there only wreck things when they are cleaning? I have to think about it but I know I have a really good list, do you have one if so let me know or post it and I will come and take a peek.


6 Responses to “All my problems start with cleaning.”

  1. I think it’s just because you’re kinda crazy. 😉

  2. Hey – I like your avatar! It’s super cute!

  3. MMTaM's mom said

    I can just picture it – my entertainment for the week! Keep up the good blog.

  4. Janice said

    Leah, don’t feel too bad. I have the same crazy gene. One time, we were staying at a beach house with friends and we all got bird poop on our cars. I went out to clean our car off, and thought, gee, I’ll be nice and clean their cars, too! Unfortunately, I didn’t know that while scrubber sponges may be gentle enough on your teflon pan, they are not gentle enough for your car enamel. I scratched up all three cars! Fortunately, mine was a beater, and one was a rental that was turned in with no comment, but one I wound up paying $600 for repainting.

  5. leahtard said

    Thanks for stopping by Janice. I’m glad to know I am not alone! I laughed so hard at your story, it is so something I would do. Leah

  6. Jessie said

    Hey Leah!
    This gene has been passed down to all female members of our family I am afraid. I too suffer from springcleanitis! I decided to clean out the car one warm sping day not long ago. I vaccumed,I polished, the car looked beautiful. Now, I live in the country and have a LOVE of Tim Horton’s Ice Caps. I happily drove my beautiful car into town, got my fix, stopped to visit with a friend at her work…and it was then I discovered that cleaning can have consequences. When I got back into the car, I went to pick my wonderful Ice Cap up out the console…and there it was, a fuzzy little field mouse bum looking me straight in the eye! I hate mice and this one had come on a little joyride with me all the way to town and now had the audacity to drink my precious Timmy’s! I screamed and lept out of the car, it scurried out of my cup and out of my car as fast as it could move and that was the day I learned that cleaning can lead to calamity (oh and never leave your doors open on a farm!) BTW, Love your blog,you really should write!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: