Not actually a tard.

Archive for March, 2007

All my problems start with cleaning.

Posted by leahtard on March 31, 2007

I have this thing. I really like clean windows and of course with nice clean windows you want a nice clean house. Well magically with my two kids on a sunny day not to long ago I was able to accomplish both. But of course that is never enough.

I was standing on my front porch watching my beloved children ride their bikes up and down the sidewalk, I think it was about 10 degree Canadian outside and I noticed my Crab Apple tree had started to bud out. Hooray!!! I also noticed that my house was dirty, the siding looked dull and dusty along with my porch and rails, in stark contrast to my gleaming windows and clean interior. This left me in a quandary, I wanted to suddenly wash my house, I had a pressure washer and the products needed top get the job done. I was desperate to get rid of all the dust and make my house the cleanest and sparkliest on the block maybe even the neighborhood but, I had just washed my windows. I thought what if they made something called Vinyl Siding Shine and after you washed your house you could attach this bottle to your pressure washer and spray this on said home to make it shiny, ( like the stuff you spray on your tires). Wow I would be the happiest housewife, mommy or what ever in the world!

Deciding I like to wash windows and well, so what if I have to dry them off. I trot off around the corner of the house to turn on the tap and get started on my fantastic project…….What’s this! The water is not turning on! That’s okay although I am a girl I am in control of all my facilities and if I might add quite clever and know how to turn the water on from the basement. Back inside I go to the basement where I get one of the children’s stools, put it on one of the children’s tables so I can stand on it to reach the tap in the roof……I am so smart I can’t stand it! Ahh, ahh, ooop, yup, I got it! I turned the tap on. I hear water running through the pipes for about 2 seconds and I feel elated, till I hear grinding and then POP and what sounds like our sprinkler system starting. Oh Shit! I know that this is very bad,(a lot of the pipes are probably still frozen and could burst with even a bit of pressure). I run back up stairs to see the sprinkler system on and my kids soaking wet and very confused sitting on their bikes in the front of the house (one of them might have been crying but I didn’t care I may have just pissed up our $6000 sprinkler system) All my dreams of my neighbors watching me from their windows wondering how I managed to do everything so well fly out the window. I run back downstairs to turn off the water and now I have to wait till Glenn gets home so I can tell him what a pickle head I have been.

I don’t think I have ever seen Glenn get really mad, he is really quite quiet, so I was not to concerned heck we have never really even had a fight. Not to say we don’t get irritated with each other once and a while but the point is made.

I gather up my chicklets, dry them off and change them (redo Vivian’s hair) just kidding. In comes Glenn, I tell him I did something dumb and he walks away to go look at the car! I have never even had a accident! The nerve. Anyway finally I get my story out and he is breathing kinda hard and marches outside to blow out the sprinklers again. About a hour later he comes in and asked me if I had seen anybody else in town trying to wash their house the first week in March. I told him no, but that was the point, I would be the first, and a lot of men could only wish they had a wife that would wash their home. He shook his head and said “Leah do you ever notice that whenever disaster strikes it is because you are cleaning something”. I thought you are brilliant! That is so true and I never even realized it before, I need to stop cleaning. Not possible.

So here is my question does anyone else out there only wreck things when they are cleaning? I have to think about it but I know I have a really good list, do you have one if so let me know or post it and I will come and take a peek.

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What have you done!

Posted by leahtard on March 31, 2007

It takes a lot to make me truly angry, mad, upset or whatever you want to call it, but today I was pushed over the edge. My little girl who I think has the most beautiful platinum blond hair in the world, cut her own hair! This child was bald till she was two and a half and I have lovingly nurtured its growth. I use only use organic, sulfate free- bla, bla, bla, shampoo on her hair and always salon products when she needed them (and what child does not at 4). I would brush and braid and dry and have to admit she had the nicest hair in her class, heck the whole school. Well, that’s not quite true one little girls is nicer but it’s blond and super curly and that can not be beat. I digress…. You may have figured that I have a serious love for her hair.

I ranted, I raved, and generally had a melt down till slowly I got a grip on reality and assessed the damage. 3, 8 or 9 inch chunks of hair all in(thank the dear God above) really inconspicuous places that can be hidden easily and grow out with out to much notice.

You maybe asking yourself what was this child doing with scissors unsupervised. Well before everyone gets their panties in a knot. Vivian has her own little craft desk with all the goodies she needs for simple projects including children’s scissors, and is allowed to play with all of it so long as she asks and I know what she is doing. Needless to say Viv now knows she is not responsible enough to have scissors in her desk anymore and will have to earn the privilege back.

Does anyone else have hair issues with their daughters? Or is it just me? Let me know.

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Music Meme

Posted by leahtard on March 29, 2007

I was meme’d and I’m going to do my best so here is my hit list, the order is not ranking just songs I like.

  1. Rock the Casbah, The Clash
  2. Bad Girls, Donna Summers
  3. You’re Beautiful, James Blunt
  4. Sexy Back, Timberlake
  5. Boom, boom, boom, The outhere brothers
  6. Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Deep Blue Something
  7. Pon De Replay, Rihanna
  8. Everytime we touch, Cascada
  9. Crabbucket, K-os
  10. Don’t cha, The pusscat dolls
  11. Call on me, Eric Pridz
  12. Praise you, Fatboy Slim
  13. Vivian insists I put down I wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas

Well that just got away on me ooop’s.

Anyone who knows me knows that I was once, in my not so misspent youth a serious barfly. MMTaM and I met in our first year – ahhh?… First day of College outside of the smoke doors (smoking was sort of okay then). I asked her to be my friend and she told me she would be. That was the beginning of our friendship and secret barhopping days (MMTaM was not yet 18). Needless to say I do not go to the bars anymore but I have managed to keep one of my closest and best friends along with as my husband says horrendous taste in music. From looking at MMTaM’s blog though I think she is evolving faster than myself. I will admit I really love Vivaldi on those days I’m all dressed up and in a clean car with no kids and no finger prints on the window. He makes me feel sophisticated.

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Thank God for two bathrooms!

Posted by leahtard on March 24, 2007

This morning everyone woke up happy and cheery, daddy made breakfast and I rolled around in bed a few extra minutes. After that was all done we put the kids in the tub because, well, they stink. Not just regular kid stink but after surgery ear infection stink (I do bath them most everyday), anyway tra-la-la-la-la. Viv says “I smwell somping stinky”! So dad takes a peek in the tub hoping to see nothing or at worst a floater but no suck luck. Aparently Alex’s bowels are moving again and quite fast I might add. We quickly pull the kids out of the tub rinse them off with the shower and put them in the other tub to finish their bath. The good part to all of this is that we have a great reason to throw out some bath toys! Yum.

Posted in kids | 5 Comments »


Posted by leahtard on March 19, 2007

Well here I go. Wednesday Alex (my 2 year old peanut) had his tonsils and adenoids removed at the Alberta Children’s Hospital, your stay is two days and one night of unadulterated hell. Now I have always prided myself on being somewhat of a “Supermom Extraordinair”  we have 2-3 pool parties a week and all mommies enjoy pineapple vodka slushies in martini glasses with cherries and grenadine. We are all about having a good, great, nope…..a fantastic time. Needless to say that was not what was happening with Alex. The nurses kept saying “He is so cute, wow I’m glad we gave him his own room, he is loud.” Now I have to be honest with myself and confess that although I knew this would not be fun I had no idea how absolutely horrid it would be. Of course poor Alex suffered too, after all his snores are all gone now and it must have been hard for him in his very drug induced state to realize that I was having a harder time keeping it together that him.Later that night in a small town in southern Alberta…… A daddy(Glenn) and a daughter(Vivian) were having a relaxing evening watching Faritopia the Mermadia edition while eating the special Macaroni that only and I really mean only daddy can make. Soon it was time for bed and the little girl was tucked in with warm blankies and icy cold water for sipping. Sounds lovely till one hears that lovely gaging and retching sound that makes all parents wake up and freeze hoping it goes away. It never does and seconds later comes that last tell tail gurgle and then SPLUSH. Yuck! Splashing puke everywhere.

Often times I am torn between consoling the sick kidlet and cleaning, because yes of course you want console them but now there is also puke on you. I don believe that it is possible to remain puke free during an episode like this but why does it always happen the day I wash the sheets.

I digress, I was not the one home that night I was in the Hospital with Alex still. Daddy chalked the puking up to a big day out with Grandma, the next day she was fine or so it seemed. Friday morning I’m in the bath with her and brushing her hair and what do I find but kooties! Her ear drum ruptured and she had lovely, goopy, smoodge crusted to her ear, hair and neck. Did she cry nope, did she wine nada, did she complain, that would be beneath her. She said “mommy I’m fine”. Off to the Doctors we go and Viv pukes in the lobby and all over me and Alex. I clean it up then brush us off best as I can and continue into the office. Do you know what she say to the Doctor! “I feel good now I just had to get rid of my puke”! God save me. We went home and all had a nap.

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